I am Heather proud Angel Mama to my beautiful angel Tristian Ray Tims.
Tristin and his twin brother Christian were born April 18, 2003 just 33 mins apart, at 32 weeks 2 days. I was rushed into surgery for an emergency c-section after a scheduled appointment showed on the ultrasound that baby A (Tristian) didn’t have a heartbeat anymore.
But let me back up my whole pregnancy was completely perfect no morning sickness or anything wrong. It was perfect and so we’re they. We had planned for a boy and a girl because we were always told baby a (Tristian) was a boy and baby b (Christian) was a girl but they were wrong.
So when I hit my 29th week I went into labor the first time but the doctor refused to let me deliver. I spent 4 days in labor on magnesium sulfate and steroids to strengthen their lungs. I was sent home with steroids and a pill to stop the contractions and I was put on complete bed rest. But almost a week later I went into labor again but this time baby a’s (Tristian) heartbeat was dropping & he had moved into the birth canal and I had lost my mucus plug.
Again the doctor sent me home the next morning even though I was still having contractions. My nurses pleaded with him to keep me but he refused. When my nurse discharged me she had tears in her eyes almost like she knew that the outcome of his negligent decision was gonna be horrible for us. I knew all my nurses really well they were like family because my mom worked at the hospital with all of them and they looked out for me.
So that was on Sunday night and I had a follow up appointment scheduled for Friday afternoon. So Friday gets here and my husband and little brother had been wanting to go fishing for a couple weeks but hadn’t been able to since I couldn’t do anything being on total bed rest. I told them to go ahead and go because my mom was going to take me anyway so they went.
I went and got my clothes and back to the couch. I went to get ready and when I raised up and got my cup off the coffee table, got a drink, sat my glass back down and leaned back on the couch and Tristian kicked super hard probably the hardest he ever kicked me. There was no more movements from him after that point and they told me I couldn’t be certain his exact time he died. I knew. I knew that he was gone. I don’t think it fully was registering but I knew that he most likely was gone since he didn’t move after that and he had always been the active more one.
When I got to my appointment the doctor started the ultrasound and I turned my head facing the wall and my mom kept saying “Heather why aren’t you looking at them” and I finally just told her “because one of them is gone”. The doctor jumped up and got the other doctor. She said after she looked for all of 2 minutess “yeah I’m not finding it” and that’s when he said those horrible words ” I can’t find Baby A’s heartbeat” when he said those 6 harmless words my life was completely changed forever. the person I once was I don’t even know who that used to be. They said that with the pressure of him being in the birth canal that long, his brother on top him, and the contractions it was too much pressure. It caused him to develop an aneurysm in his umbilical cord which ruptured probably when I felt him kick for the last time, causing him to pass away and gain his tiny wings.
Christian was air lifted to Arkansas Children’s hospital NICU the same night they were born, giving birth to 2 beautiful baby boys and then that night at the hospital not having either one to hold leaves a emptiness that I don’t think ever gets healed.
I got released from the hospital 2 days after they were born so on the 20th we went straight from that hospital to the Arkansas Children’s hospital to be with Christian. Getting to hold him for the first time was such a relief and gave me a sense of comfort. Then on the 24th we came back home for Tristian’s final journey to lay him to rest right next to my favorite Papaw.
Then we went straight back to the hospital with Christian until he was released when he was 11 days old. Now he is 18 years old and will be graduating next year. We also have our rainbow Aiden and our 3 pot of gold kiddos, Noah, Jayden and Gabriel.
I created my Facebook group in 2016 to make memorial videos and graphics for other angel moms but now I co-own my group with a dear friend and fellow angel mom I do memorial videos and we make graphics and offer support. I have a wonderful little family with all my Angel Mama’s. They will never know just how much they have truly made my life complete and fulfilled.