Mason Edward Mascioli

When we first found out we were pregnant with Mason, to be honest we were a little surprised, but at the same time we were so excited. As time progressed, we grew more and more excited (if that was even possible) and started picturing what life would look like with him in it. Everything was going well with my pregnancy. The only issue we encountered was a minor concern with his kidneys, which is common in boys, but it corrected itself by 32 weeks. As my delivery date got closer, we started prepping Mason’s room and our home for him. We were beyond excited! We also started prepping our living son, Tyler, to be a big brother. At first, Tyler wasn’t so sure, but as time went on, he became more and more excited as well. It was going to be amazing!

 

Fast forward to my 38-week appointment on Thursday, December 26th, everything looked perfect. The following Saturday, December 28th, I started experiencing on-and-off contractions that lasted throughout the weekend. By the following Tuesday, December 31st, the contractions had become stronger and closer together—it was finally time to meet Mason! When we arrived at the hospital, we were full of excitement, and to be honest a little anxious. They checked us in and began the routine checks for both me and Mason. But then, they couldn’t find his heartbeat using the doppler.  So, they performed two different ultrasounds to be sure, and then I heard the words no parent should ever have to hear: “I’m sorry, but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” I went into complete shock, feeling like I was underwater, unable to hear or breathe. Then, my husband, Ryan, was brought into the room and I had to watch them tell him the news. In an instant, our world shattered. What was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives became our worst nightmare. We now had to learn how to move forward without Mason physically here and how to tell Tyler about his brother. You want someone to hand you a road map of how to navigate this, but unfortunately there isn’t one. You’re asked so many questions that you never thought you would have to answer, like which type of delivery for your stillbirth would you prefer to do, do you want a baptism or a blessing, would you like to do any testing to see possibily what happened, would you like to do a burial or cremation, the list went on and on. One of my decisions was to do a c-section for delivery because I had done a c-section with Tyler so it was something I was very familiar with. The difference this time was instead of hearing a crying baby during the surgery, we heard nothing. It was a deafening silence. Everything was silent when Mason was born. We were silent. The doctors and nurses were silent. Mason was silent. That sound is something that I think will stay with me for the rest of my life. We later learned that Mason passed away due to complications from passing his meconium, which is a baby’s first poop, in the womb. This led to a deterioration of his umbilical cord, which affected his oxygen supply. 

 

Since then, we’ve had to learn to navigate each second, each minute, each hour, and each day without our little one. To call it a rollercoaster would be a true understatement. The first few weeks were the most challenging time we’ve ever experienced. Honestly, without Tyler and the love and support from our family and friends, I’m not sure how we would have gotten through it. Over time, we’ve learned that while the pain and grief never fully disappear, they do become easier to process. This experience is something no parent should ever have to endure, and it’s certainly not how we pictured our lives. 

 

And finally, to our sweet Mason, Mommy, Daddy, and your big brother Tyler love you more than words can ever express. We miss you every second of every day. We long to hear your laugh, see your smile, and hold you in our arms. Thank you for teaching me more in your short life than I have learned in 32 years. You will always be a part of our hearts, our family, and our story. Until we meet again, our beautiful boy—our guardian angel in heaven, we love you!