As a woman finding out you’re going to be a mum is one of the best moments ever, all of a sudden you become responsible for this tiny little person forming inside of you, this is now your life. Our worlds changed for the better on 12th March 2018 when I found out I was pregnant.
I took loads of test as I just couldn’t believe it. I found out before I missed my period so the doctor was making sure I was aware that it might just be because my period was due However it was confirmed to be pregnancy.
We had our first scan on the 16th May 2018, seeing our baby for the first time, it finally started to feel real. This tiny human in my belly he was even waving and sucking his thumb. We were told he was due 17 November 2018
I never had morning sickness but I suffered severely with travel sickness and heartburn. Kieran (my partner) wasn’t bothered about what sex the baby would be, neither was I but I had always wanted little boys first. We decided to keep it as a surprise until birth. A few weeks passed and it came to our gender scan we had the lady write it down and put it in an envelope in case we changed our mind and wanted to know. And we did. We opened it and seeing that little three letter word ‘boy’ made everything more perfect.
My pregnancy was wonderful no problems. My little boy already loved his daddy so much, he always moved for him but hardly ever for me. Feeling him move around and watching him kick we’re the best feelings any woman could go through during pregnancy.
We went through about 100 different baby names until we came to the conclusion to name him Kaidon.
We had a few extra scans due to it being my first pregnancy and due to me being 17 at the time.
On Friday the 21st September 2018 we went for a growth scan everything was fine, I was fine, the flow through the cord was fine and most importantly my boy was doing great. Over the weekend he didn’t move as much but was still active 72 hours after my scan, on Monday 24th September 2018, I was awoken by agonizing pain, this was around 3am. I went to the toilet like usual but the pain didn’t go, I felt my boy kick, that kick reassured me that nothing was wrong. Little did I know it would be the last time I would ever feel that again.
My foolishness allowed me to ignore the pain and go back to sleep, I woke up again at 6am and decided to call the hospital to which they said I needed to go in. Everyone was saying it’s probably braxton hicks. So I tried to not worry. I was thinking I’m 32 weeks 2 days it would make sense.
We got to the hospital and they couldn’t find his heart beat. They then brought an ultra sound machine in and they couldn’t see the heart beat. My consultant called in another doctor to which it was confirmed he was gone. Those 3 dreadful words ‘I’m so sorry’ I started crying. My partner was at work so I had to call him to get to the hospital ASAP. The pains I had been experiencing all morning were in fact contractions. I had my bloods taken, and then around 10:30-11:00 am I was induced to bring on labor. I had morphine, perthidine and gas and air. I was sick once in labor and had 3/4 baths. After my last bath I laid myself on the bed naked, almost asleep but still able to use the gas and air. My partner sat by my side through all of this, helped me in and out the bath, made me drinks and helped me through it all. I remember thinking I needed the toilet and as disturbing as it may sound I was trying to go on the bed. However I didn’t realize all this pushing I was doing wasn’t because I was going to the toilet on the bed but was actually my boy on his way. I finally realized this and started repeatedly pressing the button for the midwifes to come and deliver him.
At 22:45 my son Kaidon David Jeffery Timewell was born into this world sleeping. He weighed 3lbs 8oz and was 45cm long, he was so tiny, he had a little button nose and a head full of brown curly hair. The smallest hands and the softest skin, next to his right ear he had a little skin tag. His feet were long but still so perfect. I had never felt love like this, his warm body was placed straight on to my chest. Kieran then cut his sons Umbilical cord.
Before the nurses bathed him we were allowed to have a few cuddles, Kaidon had gone to the toilet over Kieran’s right hand. We sat there admiring this beautiful human which we created.
We stayed with him until Wednesday, family came and visited we had lots of pictures and a naming ceremony. He had a cool mat in his Moses basket to keep his body preserved.
Leaving the hospital on Wednesday was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do, leaving my child, my whole heart behind hurt me so much. We were allowed to return before my son was sent away for an autopsy.
On the Friday we went to see him, I cuddled him and told him how much we loved him and that he was irreplaceable. When we left on the Friday it felt so different to when we left the first time. I felt relieved, obviously upset and hurt but I was happy too because I got to tell him everything I needed to. We then went to the funeral home straight after to start everything.
A week or so passed and I went to the funeral home and dressed My boy in a Paddington Bear outfit. Kieran never came with me to the funeral home as it was too much, but he stood by my side and helped me through everything we unexpectedly experienced.
We then had his funeral on the 26th October 2018, it was so emotional I had arranged everything but it was so perfect. Kieran carried Kaidon in his coffin and I walked along side him. His headstone was then placed 10 May 2019. Every night since we came home from hospital I look up to the brightest star in the sky and talk to him regardless of weather I read him a story or it’s a quick 5 minute chat, I never fail to talk to him before I go to bed. I always end it with ‘Mummy misses you forever and will love you always’
Thank you for reading my story in honour of my son Kaidon David Jeffery Timewell born an angel, sleep tight my boy we will be together some day.
We will always be a family even though you sleep with the angels. Mummy misses you forever and will love you always.