Han Russell Battenfield

December 6, 2019
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Stillbirth Matters
Han Russell Battenfield
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January 22, 2019 our lives changed forever. It was a long and restless night as I anticipated what the pregnancy tests would show. I got up at 5 A.M and took two tests. My anxiety was through the roof waiting for the results. Then the moment came and the test read, “Pregnant!” I fell to my knees crying and thanked God for the beautiful miracle that was now living inside me! I had wanted a child so bad and had a hard time getting pregnant. It was only a few weeks before we found out we were pregnant that I finally came to terms with never having a child. I remember telling God that if he would give me a son, that I would give my son to him all the days of his life just as Hannah did with Samuel. Looking back I didn’t realize my God would do just that.

Our hearts grew with our son. The bond we had was not only physical but spiritual. Our language was unique and could only be understand by us three.  I spoke with my hands rubbing my belly, his daddy played his guitar, and Han’s kicks responded. It was our little world we ruled together. Those will forever be the moments I’ll cherish and miss forever.

October 6, 2019. 6 pounds and 1 ounce. Han Russell Battenfield was born. The very best thing our love created was our Han. We gazed in wonderment at his beauty. So perfect. So precious. “In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 

283 days Han lived. Han was born perfect and sinless into an imperfect and sinful world. 283 days we had with Han. As grieving King David so bravely said after his newborn son died. “I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Our Star baby! Save room for us in your Millennium Falcon Han. Fly high and enjoy all your adventures roaming the galaxy. For as Obi-Wan Kenobi said, “If you strike me down. I’ll shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

May the force be with you. Always.

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