We found out that we were pregnant just before Christmas of 2021, which was an incredible gift. The entire pregnancy was a blessing from beginning to end. Mom and baby were both the picture of perfect health at every check-up, every appointment, every ultrasound. On the morning of August 25th, 2022, we were unable to find a heartbeat with our home doppler. We had our 38-week ultrasound appointment early that same morning and decided to arrive early just to receive some reassurance that everything was ok. Unfortunately, our doctor confirmed the worst, and we found out that our sweet girl had lost her heartbeat.
To say that we were in shock is an understatement; the thought of losing our firstborn child before ever having the chance to meet her was simply non-existent in our minds so late in the pregnancy. Our daughter had been so active during the entire pregnancy, and we had even felt her dancing feet upon going to sleep that very night before our 38-week appointment, not knowing that it would be the very last time. With so little time to process anything, we had to rush to the hospital for emergency induction.
After almost 24 hours of labor with four hours of pushing, Cana Josephine Paules was delivered on August 26 th , 2022 at 2:32 PM. Our little Cana (pronounced ‘Kay-nuh’) weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce, and was more beautiful than we ever could have imagined.
We were so blessed to be able to see ourselves so clearly in her face. Cana Jo was born with her umbilical cord wrapped twice tightly around her waist. Though this was the most likely cause of her passing, we unfortunately can never be fully sure of what the true cause was.
Through all the grief, pain, and suffering that we felt plagued by during the early days of our grieving, we still have been so incredibly grateful for the time that we were able to spend with Cana Jo during her time with us. We always felt that she loved music and was very responsive to it, particularly when played and sung by her Mom and Dad at home. She was quite the little dancer, and we were able to feel so many of her kicks
during the latter months of the pregnancy.
In reflecting on all the joy that Cana brought to us during her brief time in our care, we know that every moment spent in her presence was a gift from God. He made every moment of the pregnancy so incredibly joyful, and though she wasn’t with us for as long as we would have hoped, we are so thankful for the life that she did live and are confident that she is now watching over us from Heaven. Our thoughts and memories of Cana Jo have been overwhelmingly life-giving and joyful, and under her watchful eye we have profound hope for our family’s future and her continued part in it. We know that time will heal some of the wounds that we currently feel, and we do look forward to honoring our Cana by living each day with gratitude and joy.