THE STORY OF OUR FAMILY
Megan Zweber and Darik Lamke fell in love playing rugby for the Minnesota Valkyries and Metropolis. They went on to travel the world together playing rugby and dreaming about the large family they wanted some day.
After living in Australia, they decided it was time to start their family. They quickly became pregnant with Daniel and found out a couple of weeks later he wasn’t growing and that miscarriage we inevitable. Megan loves alterations, large families with multiples, and always wanted children with meaningful times. Daniel was named after Megan’s father William Daniel Zweber.
Much to their surprise Megan and Darik were able to became pregnant again quickly but experienced heart break again through miscarriage. David was named after one of Megan’s favorite hero’s in the bible, King David, who faced giants and loved writing music. David and Daniel have the middle names Rae and Ray to honor Darik’s parents Shelly Rae Lamke and Kevin Ray Lamke.
Heartbroken Megan and Darik decided to keep trying and incorporate alternatives to western medicine like supplements and acupuncture and partnered with hypnobabies doulas and midwifes from a birthing center. They were delighted when Lyra Joy Lamke was born via water birth on July 12, 2017 at 42 weeks. The Lyra constellation was the brightest in the sky the day our daughter was born. Lyra Erso from Star Wars Rogue One is Jyn Erso’s mom and one of Darik’s favorite heroines. Lyra’s middle name Joy was selected to honor Megan’s mom (Rebecca Joy Reese Zweber) and Megan’s grandmother (Joyce Reese). We had finally gotten our rainbow baby and were overjoyed.
During Megan’s fourth trimester Megan started having PTSD trauma flashbacks as a result of physical and sexual abuse Megan sustained as a child and again as a young adult. When Megan was 22 she was physical and sexually abused by a colleague while living in Iowa. She found out in the emergency room that she had an ectopic pregnancy that needed to be medical terminated immediately. Megan named that child Joy Marie Reese in hopes of healing and having a joy filled family of her own someday.
Megan had the honor and privilege to stay home and work from home with Lyra Joy for her first year and prioritized intensive mother baby therapy at the HCMC Redleaf Center for Family Healing and Mother Baby Program. Megan and Lyra attended 12 weeks of therapy 4 days a week for 6 hours a day working through decades of generational trauma and healing. Megan faced her trauma headon and worked diligent to heal her past hurts so that she could show up as a wonderful mother to Lyra Joy. After the first 12 weeks of intensive therapy Megan went to DBT Therapy, EMDR Therapy, Yoga Therapy, and Art Therapy weekly for 5 years-determined to break the generational cycles of abuse and PTSD.
Megan was in a car accident in July 2021 where she hit the steering wheel without the airbag going off. Megan sustained a traumatic brain injury and worked diligently with her outstanding neurologist and care team. It was in the aftermath of the car accident that Megan and Darik found out they were unexpectedly pregnant again. Due to medical complications, they learned that our wanted pregnancy would end in miscarriage. Our baby passed and we decided to name her Alya Joy Reese Lamke, because Alya means sky, heaven and exulted. All of our girls have two middle names to honor Grandma Becky and Grandma Reese.
After 4 miscarriage and one healthy baby, we decided to start “growing” our family in alternative ways. For every miscarriage we chose to sponsor a set of twins through The Zambia Program Save A Life Center. We started volunteering with Faith’s Lodge Hope Walks and Rolls Fundraiser and FosterOne to provide wrap around support for grieving families as well as foster and adoptive families. We continued to buy and wrap hundreds of birthday gifts and Christmas gifts for children in the FosterOne community. We helped single moms get reprieve while we spoiled and babysat their children. We volunteered at Feed My Starving Children and Venture’s Business For Good to help girls get feminine hygiene education and access so they could stay healthy and in school.
In the summer of 2022 Megan was getting ready to a bucket list adventure of going to Hawaii for work. Her period was late and had little spotting but it was just chalked it up to traveling. We know now this was implantation bleeding. Megan started to show some additional pregnancy symptoms and took a pregnancy test every couple of days. The morning after Megan’s brother’s wedding her pregnancy test came back positive. Later that week Megan went to Planned Parenthood to have an ultrasound which confirmed twins. Out of shame from their giant religious families they decided to keep the Planned Parenthood ultrasounds private.
Our pregnancy was going along well, and we passed our 12 week ultrasound with flying colors. A couple of day’s latter we decided to officially tell our parents, grandparents and siblings on Grandparents Day in September 2022. Megan had felt exhausted, nauseous, and very hormonal and was experience major cramping. Around 2:00AM cramping had escalated to 3-1-1 cadence and Megan called her midwife team again. Given the amount of bleeding Megan was experiencing they determined her second trimester miscarriage was happening quickly. Megan put on her hypnobabies birthing track and birthed Luke and Leia at home into the toilet at 3:11AM and 3:17am. The Apgar score for Luke and Leia was zero. They were born pale blue, not breathing, no heartbeat, no movements, no reactions. Two tiny stillbirths.
Luke and Leia were named after our favorite Star Wars twins. Luke Liam James was chosen to honor Megan’s Grandpa Bill Reese and her bonus brother Eric James Reed. Leia Lauren Jane was chosen to honor Megan’s bonus sister Dr. Lauren Reed, and Megan’s sister in law Meredith Jane Reed. All of whom have been extremely supportive during the miscarriage of our other children and were ecstatic when we shared the joy-fillled news we were having twins.
The next day Megan and Darik went to the doctor to determine if a DNC was needed, but all of the products of conception and fetuses were past already. Telling our families was met with mixed emotions and relentless requests to talk to our doctors, view our ultrasounds and prove our pregnancy and miscarriage. Walking through a second trimester miscarriage is heart shattering and it’s worse when you don’t have empathetic trauma informed care suppot to guide you through the worst days of your life.
Darik and Megan Lamke are determined to break the silence and generational shame associated with the death of a child, infertility challenges, and trauma related grief. Please know that we love every member of our community unconditionally and sincerely wish every person healing and hope in knowing that you are not alone especially when brokenhearted! (Isaiah 61:1-7) We will be using the memorial fund to work with Faith’s Lodge, Hope Works Here, and similar non-profit organizations to help broaden access to BIPOC and other underserved families in Minnesota.
We are heartbroken to share that we are no longer expecting the birth of our twins. Luke Liam James Lamke and Leia Lauren Jane Lamke were born sleeping in September 2022 at home in Minnetonka, Minnesota.
Luke and Leia are survived by their beloved parents Darik and Megan Lamke, big sister Lyra Joy Lamke, grandparents Shelly & Kevin Lamke and William & Patsy Zweber, aunts and uncles Dr. Lauren Reed (Taylor Smith), Ben (Katie) Zweber, Shannon (Matt) Carey, Eric (Meredith) Reed, Michael (Amanda) Zweber, Josh (Kristin) Bender, Jeremiah (Missy) Bender, 9 cousins and giant extended family and friends who are like family.
There to welcome Luke and Leia home in eternal peace was their “Grandma Becky” Rebecca Joy (Reese) Zweber, and their beloved siblings Joy Marie Reese Lamke, Daniel Liam Ray Lamke, David Liam Rae Lamke, and Alya Joy Reese Lamke, along with numerous family and friends who call Heaven home.
Our lives were touched by the joy-filled surprise that we got to know them at all. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we prepare for their funeral, burial, and coming to terms with our lives here without them. We are choosing to ride the waves of grief with the hope that is found in Jesus Christ.
There will be a private Christian funeral service for immediate family at Holy Name of Jesus Church: 155 County Road 24, Wayzata, MN 55391. Interment Holy Name of Jesus Cemetery. Questions? Contact Gearty-Delmore 763- 553-1411
Please do not send flowers, because flowers at funerals are triggering for our family. In lieu of flowers, a memorial trust has been created at Tradition Capital Bank which will be used to support 501c3 organizations that help grieving families in Minnesota and provide traumatic-informed care for children and their families, especially in underserved communities.
Traditional Capital BankC/O Luke & Leia Lamke Memorial Fund 100 Lake Street West, Suite 100Wayzata, Minnesota 55391
Infertility challenges, miscarriages, stillbirths, abortions, infant deaths, the death of a child, and trauma related grief from adoptions, and foster parenting are all difficult to talk about. It is often hard to find a safe place to slow down and process feelings or empathetic people to be vulnerable with while grieving.
Darik and Megan Lamke are determined to break the silence and generational shame associated with the death of a child, infertility challenges, and trauma related grief. Please know that we love every member of our community unconditionally and sincerely wish every person healing and hope in knowing that you are not alone especially when brokenhearted! (Isaiah 61:1-7)
It is ok to not be ok. If you find yourself facing the unthinkable and daunting task of saying goodbye to your child…we have found comfort in these resources and would highly recommend them while riding the waves of grief;
We have found the most comfort from Faith’s Lodge, Hope Works Here, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Photography, The Redleaf Center for Family Healing at HCMC Mother Baby Center 612-873-HOPE, Postpartum Support International 800-944-4773, Planned Parenthood Postpartum Mental Health Resources (including EMDR Therapy, DBT Therapy, and Art Therapy), Blooma Yoga, Reiki Massage, 100 Year Manifesto, MSP Impact Hub, The Believe Foundation, The Zambia Project, Feed My Starving Children, Venture.org, FosterOne Wrap Around Teams, and GriefShare at Substance Church.
We believe there is healing available for EVERYONE regardless of individual spiritual beliefs because the whole world needs a Pharisectomy, more trauma informed care training, and support from empathic individuals with a lived experience.
So, if your family has walked through the unimaginable journey of losing a child, or if you have experienced the heartbreak of trying to grow your family through fostering, adoption or infertility, our family would love to hear your story and help your family in any way we can.
Until we meet in person, choose to ‘Live Lucky’ everyday! xoxoxo The Lamkes
May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. May every rainbow end with a pot of gold…And until we meet again
– Joy, David, Daniel, Alya, Luke, and Leia – May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
One Response
Mommy, Daddy and Lyra Joy love you all.