On May 7, 2009 our son Aiden Parker was born into heaven. Aiden was 38.5 weeks gestation and died from a having the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. He was our 4th born child. We had three living children at the time of Aiden’s birth, Chase (8), Paige (6) and Madelyn (2). Aiden was a surprise baby for our family. After our third child was born we decided to “fix things” so we would not have any more children. Ten months later on Madelyn’s 1st birthday we found out we were pregnant again. My husband and I both laughed and cried when we found out. We were shocked and surprised but then had to come to the realization that our family was growing, and “where are we going to put this new little one anyway.”
Half way through our pregnancy we started getting excited that we were going to be blessed with another son due to arrive May 18th, 2009. We began finishing our basement so we could shuffle all the kids around and free up a bedroom upstairs for the new baby. My pregnancy was fairly uneventful. I ate, my belly got bigger, I ate, and we counted they days till the baby would arrive.
At 35 weeks I remember my husband saying with a smile on his face, “we are going to have another baby” and how excited he was. I went in for my weekly check-ups and at that time getting very uncomfortable I couldn’t wait for my due date to come. My doctor scheduled me for an elective induction at 39 weeks and we kept counting down the days. I had a regular check-up at 38 weeks and all was well. The doctor would ask, “is the baby kicking, baby moving” I would reply yes, thinking “he is driving me nuts and when can you take him out.” We had a strong heartbeat at 152 bpm, and I was happy to be dilating some. My doctor sent me on my way saying, “see you in a week.”
A few days later I sat down in the evening to notice that there wasn’t much movement going on in there. I was pushing on my belly and my husband asked, “Is the baby moving?” “No,” I thought. I continued pushing on my belly and I could feel him in there so it must be okay, right? Not to panic, ” these things don’t happen to me,” I thought and went to bed. I woke in the morning with the same thing, not much movement and decided it was time to call the hospital. I went into the hospital that day thinking everything was going to be fine. I was starting to have contractions and assumed we were going to have a baby that day. Later we found out there was no heartbeat and the baby had died. My heart sank! Later that evening at 9:58 pm Aiden was born. He was breathtaking. We will forever have so many precious memories of our dear son including, photographs, hand and footprints, locks of hair, and the smell of his blue baby blanket.
Immediately after Aiden came into our world and left way too soon I have been searching for answers to why this happened, realizing that there may never be one. As each day comes and goes I do continue to move forward successfully and gracefully. My greatest wish is that God could bring him back to me just as he was on that day. I hold his blue blanket from the hospital with his smell but realize that he is not there; it hurts. I miss him so much!
Welcoming Aiden into our lives and creating so many precious memories in such a short time was an invaluable part of dealing with his loss. Three and a half years later, with the help and dedication of 5 amazing friends, and because of Aiden, came the birth of 11 Angels. 11 Angels is a service provided to families experiencing the loss of a child either though miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant death and supporting them through that difficult time. Forming 11 Angels allows Aiden’s strength in me to give hope to families and lets them know that they are not alone. There is strength in loss and although it is a very painful time in your life the days ahead do get lighter. Each and every day I celebrate my son and I am blessed to be able to share that gift with others.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ~Helen Keller